Monday, April 21, 2014

The role of "Marriage" in the modern society!


Having wondered around in the years after my graduation, I got in to many adventures and mis-adventures which has left me much more worldly and experienced in many aspects of life. Based on some of them , i decided to blog some of my personal views about the function of "Marriage" in thesociety.

For some time now, I have wondered on what role "marriage" has to play in the modern society. And my current feeling is that it doesn't have any purpose except for legal and economic reasons (in the current context). 

I say this  based on the below facts,
  •  If You stay in a relationship with another person with the only reason being inability to get out of it because of legal, economic and social pressure then it is a failed relationship. Everyone involved in it will be unhappy.
  • But in most of the cases it is very difficult to get out of such a marriage and be separated because of the pressure, the marriage framework exerts on you. This leads to continued unhappiness in the parties involved.  
Now on why a non-marriage relationship would be more effective,
  • If you are in a relationship which is making you unhappy you can easily get out of it.
  • The relationships are more healthy because the partners will not take the relationship for granted but will always work to strengthen it , IF they value the relationship. The fact that something of value will be lost will always work on the partners minds, IF they value the relationship and thus this will make the relationship healthier and stronger with time.
  • Now if the relationship becomes unhealthy and makes them unhappy, or in other words they DON'T value the relationship, they can easily get out of that situation and go towards a situation which makes them feel happy. So bad, unhealthy relationships will be naturally broken. 
  • Currently living in Norway I see a very successful framework based on the above in action. Norwegian are happier and much better with it , is the way I see it.
On why this situation has arisen in the context of the modern society is, as per my personal view;
  • Gender equality has increased. If, Each person irrespective of the gender, is self sufficient and confident enough to live and support themselves alone, Therefore being in a marriage doesn't become the only way to survive. In other words,  if the woman/man not in a marriage can't live alone, or doesn't have   the necessary economic, social and personal attributes to be self sufficient, as was the case in early society, marriage becomes a matter of survival. 
  • Even in the context of the modern society, in some parts of the world the society discriminates on women who are living unmarried but are economically self sufficient. It is not possible to have a healthy social life in such a society. So being self sufficient in a economic perspective is not sufficient at all. The society must be developed enough to accept gender equality. Which is the case in countries like Norway.
 And the gist is,
If you live in a developed society perhaps being a relationship without a marriage might be the way for happy, healthy long term relationship!
And when considering a partner be it a a guy/girl having someone who is self sufficient in every aspect will  contribute to a happy healthy long term relationship, though in the sort term, the depended upon type of relationship might look the more attractive! We do like when others admire us and depend on us, but for a healthy long term relationship that would be a negative aspect in my opinion.

Reading the below article published in the internet, led me to a thinking process which resulted in blogging my ideas after a long time.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/03/13-ways-you-know-youre-dating-a-high-quality-woman/#qvCv1ku3wkLMfR4U.01

To me the above link seems to be a very good indicator on what a perfect woman should be for a man to be with.
Of course goes without saying that us guys should also develop our selves to facilitate such a mature a relationship.
I will copy and paste the full article so that it is easily viewed directly from this blog.

13 Ways You Know You’re Dating A High-Quality Woman

Mar. 25, 2014
1. She encourages you to pursue your goals, but she doesn’t micromanage. She trusts you to make the right decisions in your own life. She’s the cheerleader, not the coach.
2. She doesn’t try to make you jealous. She’s secure in her worth, and your ability to recognize how valuable she is. She doesn’t need to play games to “trick” you into seeing her her for what she is.


3. She doesn’t have a princess complex. She demands that you treat her with respect — but because she is a person you love, not because she is a woman and therefore magically entitled to something. Just as she would expect you to treat your friends and family with respect, she knows you wouldn’t treat her any other way. A high-quality woman wouldn’t be with a man who was disrespectful to the people he is close to in life.
4. She has a part of her life that doesn’t involve you. Friends, hobbies, career — whatever. She’s confident and independent enough to not need your involvement in everything she does.
5. You wouldn’t think twice about inviting her into different parts of your life: a barbecue with your college friends, a dinner with your parents, a fancy work party — she knows how to handle herself in different settings. She’s mature enough to make a good impression with your colleagues and wise enough to know letting loose with your friends and having fun doesn’t mean she’s immature.
6. She takes care of herself. This doesn’t mean she is perfect, it means she is always improving. You don’t have to tell her she needs to solve a problem in her life. She’s self-aware and sees what issues she has and is self-motivated enough to constantly be working to improve them. She needs a partner, not a dad.
7. When she is in a situation where she doesn’t know people, she introduces herself confidently. She doesn’t cling meekly to your side waiting for you to facilitate every social interaction.
8. A reasonable, non-hyper-conservative employer could look at her social media presence and hire her.
9. She isn’t shy about sex. If she doesn’t want to do something, she can articulate why instead of just saying “ew”. Your sex life with her isn’t a shady secret she feels uncomfortable talking about, it’s adult and healthy and you both work to keep the flame alive.


10. She has opinions more than “idk” and she can talk calmly and non-hyperbolically about them. If she disagrees with you, you can have a conversation about it without anyone raising their voice.
11. She would never joke with her friends or family (or worse, your friends or family) about how men are “stupid” or childish, or whatever “happy wife happy life” mantra you’ve heard women use to put down the partners they love.
12. She knows what she wants in life. She doesn’t change her values or goals to tailor fit the guy she is with.
13. You feel lucky to be dating her because you know she would never date anyone just to date them. She isn’t afraid to be single and she is self-sufficient. You know she is dating you because she’s attracted to you and she thinks that you will help each other grow to be even higher quality, together.

A Super writeup!!!